Donald Duck: Goin' Quackers PlayStation 2 Video Game Review

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This review was originally written on October 30, 2002
You'll QUACK Up Trying To Play This Game

Besides the Playstation 2, this game was also released on the Playstation, the PC, the GameCube, the Gameboy Color, the Dreamcast, and finally the Nintendo 64. I would suspect that the review I'm about to write would apply to all versions of this game, or most of them at least.

STORY

Simply put ... Daisy has been kidnapped by the evil Merlock and it's up to Donald Duck to rescue her.

GAMEPLAY

The game is essentially a corridor platformer ala Scooby-Doo & The Cyber Chase for the Playstation (or the Crash Bandicoot games, from what I've heard). There are a few areas (or worlds, or whatever you want to call them), each with a few stages. The first one or two stages heads away from the camera. The third is essentially a side-view, like a standard 2-D platformer. The fourth goes towards the camera with a giant hand chasing you (if it catches up to you and touches you, you're dead). The fifth is the boss stage.

I have no problems with corridor platformers, or platformers of ANY kind. However, this one just sucks! I can't keep track of the number of times I've died because what I thought was solid land was a cliff I couldn't see. To make matters worse, you're given a two hit kill (as opposed to the standard 3 hit kill of most platformers). The first hit makes you "Angry Donald" the second hit kills you. The little Donald face in the corner that shows his "mood" doesn't help to let you know how close he is to dying. Why couldn't they have had a simple two "piece" display that goes down a piece when he's hit? (I hope you can understand what I'm trying to explain.) Of course, checkpoints are far and few between, which makes dying and restarting even MORE annoying! Plus, you have a timer to content with. If you don't reach the end before the time counts zero, it's the end of you. Timers on a platform game are murder since they discourage patience and exploration - two keys to enjoying a platformer. You can forget about finding any of the secrets with a timer around.

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As if all that wasn't enough to make the game bad, listen to what you have to do to pull off a special move:

1. Grab 5 gears in less than 1 second to get a letter of the world SPECIAL. Do this 7 times to get the entire word and earn a special move.

2. To perform the special move you bounce off 3 enemies in a row without touching the ground. Each bounce will light up a light bulb on the display.

3. When all 3 bulbs are lit (after the third consecutive bounce), you have to quickly (before touching the ground) press either R1 or Triangle.

4. Donald will then freeze in mid-air, at which time you have 3 seconds to enter the 5 button combo for the special move you want to do.

Of course, "Angry Donald" can't perform a special move. You must be "Happy Donald" (Normal) or "Hyper Donald" (one step above Happy, but still with a 2 hit kill) in order to do them. And since all the odds are stacked against you already, it should be no surprise that special moves can't be done in a boss level.

And the benefit of performing a special move? Donald will be invincible for a short period of time and gears will value more during this period. BIG FREAKIN' WHOOP! If I'm gonna do all that for a stinkin' special move, I want it to kill all the enemies on the board and give me easy sailing to the end.

AUDIO & VIDEO

This is the only area in which the game is good. The visuals look pretty good, though the characters look a bit strange during the 3-D cutscenes. They could have made a bit better transformation from the 2-D cartoon to the 3-D game world.

The sounds are even better as all of the original current voices are present: Tony Anselmo as Donald, Tress MacNeille as Daisy, June Foray as Magica De Spell, etc.

REPLAYABILITY

The game doesn't even have playability, so forget about RE-playability! I quit playing in the middle of the second world/area ... and I only made it that far thanks to a CodeBreaker code for infinite time.

TO BUY OR RENT?

Avoid at all costs!

Men in Black II: Alien Escape PlayStation 2 Video Game Review

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This review was originally written on August 18, 2002
A Boring And Repetitive Shooter

I bought Men in Black II: Alien Escape because I like the Men In Black movies and I figured that it would be a good game. I couldn't be any more wrong.

GAMEPLAY

The whole premise of the game is this: you go from room to room (or area to area) and kill everything that moves (except for the "worm dudes" whom you're supposed to rescue ... or something like that).

There are five big levels broken up into sections, which too many semi-long load screen in between.

Considering that all you do in the game is shoot things, I really wonder why the programmers didn't give the player an Aim button. Then again, they didn't give a Jump button, either (jumping surely would have broken up the monotony of the game).

The most fun I had in the game was destroying all the cars on the parking garage levels. You don't get any points for it, and it doesn't accomplish a goal, but it sure was fun!

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STORY

An alien prison ship crash lands on Earth, the bad aliens escape, and you have to kill them. That's all the plot there is and it's probably all you'll need.

The plot of this game is nothing the second movie. Rather than calling it "Men in Black 2: Alien Escape," Infogrames should have just called it "Men in Black: Alien Escape." That way no one would think it was even remotely like the recent film.

The only aspect of the game that is like the film is a small bit of the ending involving the Statue of Liberty and a Neurolizer..

AUDIO/VIDEO

In all honesty, I didn't pay too much attention to the audio, except for the voice actors. They were pretty good, but let's face it, Tommy Lee Jones, Will Smith, and Rip Torn are the guys we know as Agents K, J, and Zed respectively, and no one is going to be able to play those roles better. They tried to model the characters and hire voices that resemble Tommy, Will, and Rip, but unless they hired the actual actors and got permission to use their likenesses, it's always going to look like a cheap imitation ... which it does.

The weapon graphics were a little flashy, but considering the MIB's arsenal, I expected more flash from the weapons (and where's the Noisy Cricket, by the way?).

The environments were the WORST! They all look bland, muddy, washed-out, and extremely repetitive (especially on the spaceship at the end where every corridor looks just like the last).

REPLAYABILITY

To make up for the short and boring game, Infogrames threw in a bunch of unlockables to make you want to play the game again. Unfortunately, they're simply not worth unlocking. I used a cheat code to unlock everything and here's what you'd get: a couple training missions of you in one room shooting an endless supply of aliens (shouldn't these be available from the start as TRAINING for the main game?), profiles of J and K, Boss mode (fight the bosses again), profiles of all the aliens in the game (all of whom are boring and not in the films, except for the manitoba [worm guys]), and a bunch of still frames detailing the making of the game (not the movie). Yawn.

TO BUY OR TO RENT?

Rent.

Demolition Racer PlayStation Video Game Review

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This review was originally written on August 18, 2002
A Major Let-Down

I bought Demolition Racer because of CrazyGamer's review at GameFaqs. CrazyGamer spoke very highly of the game and even gave it a score of 9 out of 10. However, the game isn't nearly as good as CrazyGamer says it is.

GAMEPLAY

I've played Destruction Derby 1 and Destruction Derby 2 and I liked them a lot. When I read about all the great features in this game, I thought that I would LOVE this game even more ... but sadly, that is not the case.

The first thing you'll notice is how small your choice of cars is. You get three from the start with four (?) more to be unlocked. There is no difference between the cars, except for looks. They all handle the same ... and that's the game's MAJOR problem. As you drive the cars it'll feel like you're driving a tank, until you get to a turn, and then it'll feel like you're driving a paper airplane as your car will go flying high and out of control.

STORY

There really isn't a story to the game. All of do is drive around trying to cause the most damage ... enough to progress you through the leagues to the championship.

AUDIO/VIDEO

Audio is okay, but video is the game's other MAJOR problem. While the damage graphics are a little better than Destruction Derby, they still look quite cheap and unrealistic. Also, the tracks look rather bland.

I guess I can't fault the programmers too much on the graphics, since it is a Playstation 1 game (and it definitely LOOKS like one).

Infogrames SHOULD remake this game (or make a sequel) on the Playstation 2. I know the PS2 is capable of producing some fantastic damage graphics and huge tracks (as evident in Twisted Metal Black), and as long as they fix the control and handling of the cars (plus give more selection in tracks and cars - how about license some cars, including famous Hollywood ones), I see no reason why it wouldn't be a hit (and something to add to my want list).

REPLAYABILITY

If you can deal with the poor controls/handling of the cars and the poor PS1 graphics, and you have a lot of friends to join in with you, this game will have some replayability for you.

TO BUY OR TO RENT?

Rent it first, and if you really like it, then buy it.

Driver 2 PlayStation Video Game Review

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This review was originally written on July 27, 2002
A Game So Unplayable You'll DRIVE Back To The Store To Return It!

I *LOVE* Grand Theft Auto 3 (for the Playstation 2) and I wanted a game that would be similar to it. I know that no game, except for possibly GTA4, could even come close to GTA3, but I still wanted "more." From what I read about this game, it seemed like a poor man's GTA3. I had Driver 1 on the PC, but could never actually play the game itself because I could not pass that stupid driving test at the beginning of "Undercover" mode. When I read that Driver 2 did not have a driving test, that gave me even more reason to want it.

GAMEPLAY

When I popped the game into my PS2, I immediately went into "Free Ride" mode so that I could get a feel for the controls and check out the scenery a bit. I didn't even move one inch when the cops were after me. Yes, that's right, I was STANDING STILL and the cops were on my butt. If the cops are going to be on me like white on rice, I'd at least like to know WHY. I gave the cops no resistance, allowing them the chance to come up to the car and pull me out (like real cops would, and those in GTA3), but they thought it would be best to just keep ramming me!?!

Since this game lacks the Police Bribes and the Pay And Spray of GTA3, the only way I could get the cops off my tail and reduce my felony meter (the equivalent of GTA3's Wanted stars meter) was to hightail it out of there in the hopes that I could lose them. Even though the game promises that you can wipe your felony meter clean by getting out of your vehicle and carjacking another one, since you can't get out of the car and switch vehicles while being wanted/chased, there's no practical use of this "feature."

I decided to try the main "Undercover" mode, hoping that it would be better. The first mission was simple enough. Get from point A to point B. The first time I tried it I failed it because I didn't get to the place on time (I was going the wrong way from the start). Once I figured out that all I had to do was make two lefts then go right every chance I could, I got to the destination with time to spare. Mission 1 Passed! Perhaps this game WOULD get better ... until Mission 2, that is!

Mission 2 involves you having to follow another car. The problem is, unless you're (at most) two car lengths behind him, the game will say that you lost him and thus failed the mission ... even though his car is clearly visible on the screen! After attempting this mission three or four more times, only to get as far as around the corner, I had enough punishment and immediately decided to bring the game back to the store with my receipt to get a different game. ANY game would be better, even Barney The Dinosaur!

Not even cheats codes could help make this game playable. I used two Game Shark codes to unlock the in-game Invincibility and Immunity (no felony) cheats. However, neither of these would help with mission 2. The Infinite Time Game Shark code would not work, otherwise I *might* have had a chance of barely playing the game ... the key words there are "might" and "barely."

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GRAPHICS

This game has the WORST graphics ever seen in a video game of any age. Pong and Pac-Man look high-tech compared to this.

There is more pop-up in Driver 2 than in a marathon of Pop-Up Video on VH-1. You look ahead and see an open piece of land. You plan to cut across that land in order to make the turn at a high speed without having to slow down (or just to take a shortcut). Just as you get within a car's length of that land, a building pops up out of nowhere. BAM! You crashed and damaged your car. Repeat indefinitely and you've got the graphics of Driver 2.

REPLAYABILITY

In order to have replayability, a game must first have playability.

TO BUY OR TO RENT?

NEITHER!

I wouldn't even give the CD to my dog as a chew toy.

The Italian Job PlayStation Video Game Review

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This review was originally written on July 27, 2002
Not A Great Game, But Not A Bad Game Either

The Italian Job video game is based on the 1969 movie starring Michael Caine (as Charlie Croker), Noel Coward (as Mr. Bridger), and Benny Hill (as Professor Simon Peach). Interestingly, the movie was remade in 2003 with Mark Wahlberg, Edward Norton, Charlize Theron, Seth Green, and Donald Sutherland. That movie also had a tie-in video game on the PlayStation 2, which is a completely different game than the one I will be reviewing today.

The plot of the movie and the game is very simple: A gang of crooks steal four million dollars through a traffic jam, while avoiding the police and mafia. HOW they do it is the fun part!

The game contain 16 missions across three different locales. Eight are in London, six are in Turin, and the final two are in the Alps.

I'd like to preface these next few paragraphs by telling you that I saw the film in it's original widescreen format (aka letterbox) on the Speedvision cable channel. Although this is a commercial channel, I presume the film was not edited. If it WAS edited, some of what I'm about to write may be incorrect.

Out of the eight London missions, only two are directly based on the film: "The Ambassador's Car" is implied in the film (they don't explicitly show you driving from the prison directly to the garage to pick up your car). "Peaches For Peaches" is also implied in the film (we see the hookers outside in Charlie's car while at Peach's place, but we never see him actually pick them up and take them there). The other six missions are completely made up using characters from the film.

The first mission in Turin is completely made up. It's just there to help you locate the places that you'll be visiting in later missions. I don't know why they make you visit the police station, since it is never visited in the game (or the film). The other five missions are directly based on the film (although the game maker's had to take a few minor liberties to make them work in the context of the game). Both Alps missions come directly from the film.

This is the only game that I can think of based on a film (or TV) license that makes PERFECT use of that license. To have a game this faithful to it's license is extremely rare.

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GAMEPLAY

Before you even get to play any missions you have to deal with an extremely long loading time of about 30 seconds for each mission. This could be enough to turn some people off, and make them turn off the game, but I had enough patience to wait out each of these loadings.

Some of the missions are extremely fun, some are downright annoying, and one or two are hard as heck. Since I couldn't pass a few of the missions, I had to use the in-game cheat code to unlock all of the missions. This was great because it allowed me to play all of the missions (or at least attempt all of them) and I could keep playing my favorite ones.

"The Getaway" mission in Turin (a near-exact recreation of the film's iconic Mini Cooper chase scene) is one of my favorites even though I could never pass it. The reason why I couldn't pass it is one of the game's few faults: the cops. They are completely annoying, but are a lot better than the cops in Driver 2. As you get their attention, they (of course) pursue you. The only way to get the cops off your butt is to drive fast enough and take enough turns so as to lose them. When you have a timer counting down and a mission objective to take care of, this is a major annoyance. As if that wasn't bad enough, while they're chasing you, the cops are trying to write down your license plate number. If they get your whole number, you're busted (or "nicked" as the game calls it). Although this is a major improvement over the way the cops deal with you in Driver 2, it has one major flaw. Logically, and in real life, even when the cops get your entire license plate number, you can still drive away and have them chase you. For the game to simply have your mission end because the cops got your entire license plate number is ridiculous. Most often the cops are the reason why you'll fail missions (such as why I couldn't pass "The Getaway").

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Using a walkthrough found at GameFaqs, I went into Free Ride mode and tried to recreate the path of "The Getaway." Although it didn't have the thrill and excitement of the actual mission, for the most part, I was able get a sense of what that mission is like ... and that was a lot of fun. It was because of that that I got interested in seeing the film (I first played the game without having seen the film). I wanted to see if the cool getaway in the game was just as cool in the movie. I never thought I'd say this about a game based based on a film, but the game's getaway was BETTER! The film cuts back and forth between the getaway chase and scenes that take place elsewhere at the same time. This completely throws off the continuity and excitement of the getaway. Still, a game that will make you want to see the movie it's based on is a good thing indeed (especially for the studio that owns the film and the license).

AUDIO/VIDEO

The music is a top-notch mixing of an instrumental of Quincy Jones' "Get A Bloomin' Move On" (aka The Self Preservation Society theme) from the film, bits of "Rule Britannia" (a traditional song also used in the film), and quirky background music that fits the setting perfectly. I enjoyed the Quincy Jones theme so much that I put the game CD in my computer's CD-Rom drive and extracted the short song to my hard drive for later recording onto a music CD so that I could listed to it with my regular music collection. How often do you want to do that with video game music?!?

The graphics are standard Playstation 1 graphics, though they're actually pretty good. There's nothing graphics-wise that stood out as being really bad or exceptionally good, so there's not much to say.

REPLAYABILITY

After finishing the main game ("The Italian Job" mode) you will have access to the Challenge mode, which consists of short missions with tough times where you will test your skills in braking, turning and jumping. There are five jump tests, but since all five use the same course, this gets boring real fast. There is one break test, but it isn't as hard as it initially seems. A checkpoint race on an icy road, a survival lap around the city, and two destructor races (one on an icy road and another viewed from overhead) round out the rest of the challenges.

Along with "The Italian Job," there are other modes that are unlocked from the start. They are:

• Checkpoint - You have to reach all of the checkpoints in the allotted time. Each checkpoint you reach gives you a little extra time to make it to the next one.

• Destructor - Here your mission is to destroy the line of cones in the sequence before the time runs out.

• Party Play - This is the multiplayer mode in which you can play with up to 8 people in different Checkpoint, Destructor and Challenge mode stages.

• Free Ride - Here you can cruise around London and (if you unlocked it) Turin in any car (you start off with one unlocked). You can use this mode to familiarize yourself with the cities, but be aware of the cops. You'll even find some secrets within this mode. Check the walkthrough here are GameFaqs for more info.

As you complete the missions in "The Italian Job" mode, you will unlock extra cars and tracks for these other modes.

The problem with all these extras is that they get boring after a while because it's just the same thing over and over again. At first it's fun, then it's just tedious.

TO BUY OR TO RENT?

Rent. The game is just too darn short to have as a permanent part of your collection, even with the unlockable extras.